Re: Philosophizing

I wish I could put the whole e-mail on the blog. What Ted said got me thinking and not quite logically. Ben sent an e-mail that was in response to Ted's e-mail/blog that corrected my flawed thinking. Before it was over, this is what I saw of myself.

Trying to get out of this "I'm right/you're wrong" arrogance is getting harder all the time. (BTW, I'm not big at all on propogandists--hence, the Moore comment; however, I realize that Fundamentalists are propogandists on a much more dangerous level than Moore ever could be considering the damage that is being done to what and whom.) I appreciate your thoughts. To be honest, I usually try to rationalize when I realize that I've really screwed up. I spent time today digging myself out of a sort of humiliation that was good. Just when I get on my high horse, I get taken off. And before you apologize, don't. You weren't the one who put me on the horse and you certainly didn't whack me off of it. You just helped me down. Quite a difference.

Stubborn pride comes in lots of forms. I guess one of my most stubborn (besides needing to be at least somewhat logical which rarely, if never, seems to happen) is my pride in my country. I grew up loving the flag and the anthem and the 4th and everything else that goes along with it. I'm nost saying that's wrong, but it is when you turn a blind spot to what is more important--such as the Truth. The Founding Fathers made mistakes. They were human and they were blinded by their desires, too. (Hence, slavery.) But we're making bigger mistakes by turning them into God-fearing heroes who wanted only to form a nation that was "under God." We talk about the Boston Tea Party and the spats with King George and the slave trade and all the other stuff, but in church and in proper circles we concentrate on a few folks who came over here looking to get away from a country that was oppressing them because of their religious views. We stop there. We don't continue into the other things. And that is sad for several reasons, but mostly because, when we get to the place where we look at these men and their lives and the reason for our country, we miss the fact--no, we IGNORE the fact--that they were human and had flaws like their philandering and their tempers and their rebellious sides and their stubbornness and we turn them into gods who "did it all for us." No, they didn't. They did it all for themselves! OK, they saw the future to a degree, but mostly they wanted to be rid of a king and his oppression and they knew that the future wouldn't have to put up with George, regardless of who else might come along.

The more I thought about [Ben's] words today, the more I thought about the Epistles. Paul never looked to the day when Nero was gone and a new dawn would spill forth; he looked for the day he would see Jesus face to face. Peter, James, Jude, John--none of them lamented Roman occupation, either. They concentrated on things that "were not of this world."

As I thought, I realized something else--I'm terrified of seeing the day when our government strips all of our legal securities away and we're left with only ourselves and our God. What does that make me? An idolator, no less. I'll admit that when the election fiasco of 2000 was droning on day after day, I prayed harder than I ever had before. I didn't pray for a stronger faith. I prayed that George Bush--the perceived Christian--would be put into the White House. And I couldn't really say that I believed he would be a "better president" than Gore (and I'm not saying Gore would make a better president than Bush), but I could say that Bush seemed to agree with me on values and the issues that were important to me. That tells me now that I don't rely on Jesus to be my comfort and my stay; I rely on a government that is run by human beings to keep me secure. I'm surprised I didn't freak for real when those planes flew into the WTC and the Pentagon. My government let me down. It allowed those people to come over, hijack our planes and use them as flying bombs.

And I'm doing the same thing now. Bush will only save us from Kerry; to others, Kerry might only save us from Bush. That isn't what is important. Thousands upon thousands have believed in God regardless of their government's endorsement, and they've been the stronger Christians for it, too. I don't really want to be oppressed in the way so many have been, but I do want the faith so many have had. Maybe you don't have to be oppressed in the way they have been to get it, but it can't be all a bed of roses. I want my bed of roses and my faith, too, to paraphrase a phrase. I'm not sure that can happen.