I'm going to be a mommy again!

Final approval came this morning via I171-H. No doubts! We're going to China!

The year's beginning doesn't bode well

A couple of our students lost their father over the summer; one of our classified staff (a codgety old maid--sorry for the lack of PC--who is loved yet...) has been fighting to live and she will not survive, most likely; one of our former students was in a wreck that nearly killed her, may still kill her father, and did kill his girlfriend; one of my former students lost his grandfather over the weekend; now one of our teachers (also one of our churchmates) lost her husband suddenly over the weekend. He was 43. He was a juvenile diabetic due to a heavy-equipment accident when he was 30. He was a smoker. His heart gave up.

At least the family has hope of seeing him again one day, but still, the pain when we walked into the building and saw the boys and Paige yesterday multiplied when Janet walked in about half-way through the song service. The whole service felt stupid--useless, pointless. Few cared to sing songs or listen to a sermon. But at the end, Mike had us all sit down and he pointed out a family that was hurting. He asked the silent (how often does that happen?) congregation to share anything that may have helped us through a similar time. About 8 people shared publicly. Many more shared privately. It was a bittersweet time. Todd was so quiet that many of us felt we didn't know him, yet we did. I am so glad Mike handled it the way he did at the end. Sometimes I think Janet feels a little "on-the-fringes" there, but maybe it's just my feelings being cast upon her in my mind. Whatever the true situation, though, yesterday had to show her that we care. And she has a school building full of people who do, too.

I'm a little old for this, but, what the heck?

Rich has a girlfriend; Rich has a girlfriend...

OK. I never had a big brother to tease and up to now, he's either been too little or too uninvolved. NOW'S my chance and I took it.

Rambling thoughts

Time to think last night after reading Bart's blog. I think part of our issue as the church is that we misplace our roles and when we do, we cause a lot of issues. In the words of Jack Fogerty--for those old enough to remember--"I may be wrong, but it seems to me that..." we turn folks off in the following ways:

• We judge and try to recreate folks. When we do, we're taking God's role. God is the only one Who has any right to judge us because He's the only one who created us or Who can recreate us. When we judge and try to change people ourselves, we cause resentment and frustration in ourselves and in others.
• We try to save folks. When we do, we're taking Jesus's role. Jesus is our only Savior. For us to try to save folks only serves to bring out arrogance and pride in ourselves and in others.
• We try to be others' consciences. When we do, we're taking on the Holy Spirit's role. The Holy Spirit is the only one who is able to really guide our lives. For us to try to guide each other just causes more stumbling. We don't know what is in each other's heart, nor do we know each other's true purpose. (I guess this comes full circle and leads to the first one again.)

The only thing I see us doing is serving. Serving means that we don't try to find out the reasons why some folks do what they do; we just love them anyway. Serving means that we don't try to find ways to save folks; we just show them the love of the true Savior. Serving doesn't mean that we call each other on the carpet just because we think they should be doing something else with their lives; we just try to do the best we can and pray that, if the Spirit wills, we can mentor others along the way--in best cases, to paraphrase St. Francis, just by living our lives.

No wonder I had butterflies in my stomach

I never mentioned it, but I was accompanied by butterflies when we went on our trip to Louisville Tuesday. Brian came home and said he was excited for the first time since we embarked on this journey--like it was getting closer, becoming real. I guess that's exactly what I was thinking the whole time I was telling myself, "I will not hurl; I will not hurl..."

Today Karen told me that most folks she knows are waiting around 5 weeks for approval from USCIS. I'd been told around 2-4 months. I guess that's why I was a little uptight. I most likely don't have even the time to wait that I did when I found out I was pregnant.

It's been a while since I've been in this situation. I'm scared. I'm scared. I still want to do it, but I'm scared.

Had a dream night before last that Brian and I were somewhere. For some reason, he had Emma. I had someone. All I knew was that she was a little Chinese girl and she wasn't Sarah. I never saw her face in my dream. Karen had similar dreams. She actually saw Sarah once before she really saw her. I'd love to have that dream. I want to see her so badly, whoever she is.

Grandma could keep a secret?!

Forgot this last night.

Betty, one of the afore-mentioned sisters, reminisced yesterday about taking Grandma to Lexington to see a lady that I remember them talking about--Ma Hattie. (The name alone was always fascinating. Conjured pictures of a gnarled, boney and toothless African American woman in a turbin and calico.) Since they left from Ripley, Ohio, they would go down 68, through Paris and into Lexington. Apparently this trip took place on a fairly regular basis and apparently one of those trips resulted in Betty being stopped in Paris...twice-- once on the way down and once on the way back. Grandma said, "We'll just keep this to ourselves." That was it. She never told a soul.

I love days with my mom

Went to Jamestown, Ohio, for the first time that I can remember today. One of my many distant-yet-not-so-distant cousins is getting married next month and his sister and cousin had a shower for his fiance. Nice to see the folks and nice to see new faces. I hate party games but I loved the rest. My cousins--four sisters who are as close as anyone can get--wise-crack the entire time they're together. I took Mom and Aunt Patty, too. A fun time was had by all.

When we dropped Aunt Patty off at home at the end of the day, Mom and I had over an hour on the road by ourselves again. Before long, she was asking me about Bart's blog--the one where he mentions that he's thinking about not going into the ministry because he doesn't want to use God to make money. (Rich told her; Mom is not a bloggie OR a blogger.) The question was essentially, "What's up with that? Ministers have to make a living and that is their job, so there's nothing wrong with it."

Now I haven't been one to really stand up to my family to say, "This is what I believe," so to say I was hem-hawing is an understatement. It's a good thing I didn't have gum or I would have swallowed it along with my tongue. Mom is a Sunday-morning/Sunday-night person. I'm more and more a what-is-with-church-anyway? person. I saw B-A-D written all over this. (It's at these moments when you realize once again just how much you respect your mother, regardless of age.)

Once I could breathe again, I kind of stumbled through with this explanation--paraphrased. "Uh, well, we're--uh--non-traditional kinds of believers, I guess you'd say. I mean--uh--I think he's finding out what ministers go through with what happened to ________ and ____________ and now ________ and--uh, we were talking about this Tuesday as we came back from Louisville and it was the first I'd heard of it. He's tired of seeing his buddies--uhh--and others...maybe...use the ministry just to get money or whatever."

That was accepted, I guess, so then I could roll.

"See, uh, we believe that Jesus didn't really intend for the church to become what it has and we don't believe that it is what it set out to be in Acts."

"That's right."

Whoa.

"And I get tired of ministers telling me all the time that I need to do stuff in the church when Jesus said to go into the world and tell everyone, and he's starting to think that maybe he needs to find another place where he can be a minister without doing it in church. We spend too much time IN the church and few people believe that what I do or what others do outside the church is FOR God. No one believes that I can do more for God---or better, WITH God--by working at school or wherever than I can at church. They think that you're only working for God or with God when you're working IN the church itself, and that's not helping anybody except those who already believe." (Thinking later, I should have stopped with the "anybody" because that's more the truth--it doesn't really help anybody at all!)

"That's right."

Wow. I had my own little "amen corner" in the passenger seat of my car! My mom believes what I believe to more than a little degree and I don't know if she realizes just what that means. I'm not sure I do, either, for that matter.

I may have muddied the waters a little. I told her about the latest railroad scheme that I found myself in (just how many times do you have to tell a person that you need to focus on your work at school because that is your mission field and that you AREN'T interested in helping with youth groups on a full-time basis?) and how I now refuse to do anything else that Dave asks because I don't trust him, but I also said that that's what we do to each other at church and it's a wonder that anyone wants to be affiliated with it at all, considering that that's what we do--we use folks then lose folks when they make it clear that they're tired of being used.

Anyway, I've spent the rest of the evening thinking about that conversation. I'm hoping I can talk more to her about it at some point. The way things look at their place right now, I think it may happen.

I hope I can talk to my husband, too.

Two days down

Yesterday was a good day. It had its problems, but nothing we couldn't handle. Randy F. may differ with me because he had to deal with the biggest problem, but all-in-all, we couldn't complain.

Spent the day fixing my patrons and watching The Weather Channel and Hurricane Charlie. My cousin lives where it was supposed to hit; it ended up going a little south, but they're still in it. And yes, they stayed. I think I would have been high-tailing it out of there on one hand, but on the other hand I don't know. It seems, in my stupidity, pretty neat to think about experiencing a hurricane.

I couldn't have titled my blog better, huh? Next I'll go sky-diving or something.

CAWLI received our criminal checks today, but they weren't the originals. Sandy told me she thought she had them. Oops. WE do. At least it's not holding us up. I'll mail them tomorrow.

On a Mom note, I bought Brennan 34/32 jeans about a month ago, trying to get ahead for school. He now wears 36-38/32 and he isn't slowing down! He isn't fat; he's just built. He's gone from around 5'5" at the end of last school year to about 5'8" now. Wow.

See Rich's blog for his updates. I'm glad he finally has a job he enjoys again. Sometimes I forget I do. I hope he doesn't; however, what to do next is the question--if anything at all. (I really need to get my master's in education sometime; right now I have enough on my mind.)

Life rolls on

Went to Louisville yesterday--our first district PD day--to be fingerprinted to go to China in ?? Went to the basement of the HUGE federal building there. We had appointments, so we were out of there in 45 minutes and were duly impressed. Others didn't have appointments and sat there for who knows how long after we left. I was most sympathetic toward an Indian (?) couple with two younger children. Can you imagine coming into our country just to meet up with stuff you don't understand that is explained in a language you barely do? When we left, they were taking folks without appointments, so I'm hoping they didn't have to wait long, but still, I don't know their outcomes.

Irony on my end: if I didn't mention before, this PD that I missed was multi-cultural sensitivity training. I asked Mr. Yost later--when he asked me about my trip and shared that his children were adopted--if the trip to China would cover the day's PD. Only seems fitting. When I mentioned it to Tony D. later, he said, "Sounds good. You could see if the school will pay for it--as long as it's at the district level." (Tony is now the principal in charge of PD and its funding on the building level. This transition has only served to sharpen his wit. On a related note, I feel like a proud momma. I've known him for around 9 years; I've watched him "grow up" as a teacher; I helped put him in both positions--two of my proudest accomplishments as a teacher and as a site-based member. He fits either position to the proverbial T.)

Fingerprinting is so neat now! No ink; no alcohol; no traces except what you leave at the office. Rub a clear gel on your hands and let the glass digital scanner do the rest. It's like making photocopies of your prints--the way some kids make photocopies of their backsides when no one is around to stop them. (I don't know what brought that on.) While I was back there, I sympathized with the girl who said they'd been having the walk-ins (see first paragraph) in droves of late. While Brian was back there, I swear he slept pretty much as he had on the way down--while he was driving. While Bart was back there, he talked about his sister and about the guys that he would beat up if they tried to date her. Whatever.

Came home to go to work, only to find that no one had told me the library was going to be used for new teachers. Kind of miffed, to say the least, because John knew but he hadn't consulted. Maybe he thought he would be off the hook because I was going to Louisville. I don't know. Whatever the reason, I was a little grrrr. OK, quite a bit grrrr. I was planning to straighten; instead I found a quiet spot and went over site-based policy. Not exactly what I had on tap.

Rich interviewed successfully at 4:00 for the resource ed math position at the middle school. Those kids love him and vice versa. We look at each other all the time like, "How do you TAKE that place?" He feels about the high school as I do the middle school. Middle schoolers are the devil, in my mind. (Phrase taken from high schoolers, of course.)

Opening day today. I wish I could say that the party is over, but this summer has been so work-filled that I don't think the party ever began. Two months ago I was in PR, but that was as good as it got--and I must say that was pretty darned good. And now I don't find that I'm lamenting much, so I guess I'll survive another year--or at least until Labor Day weekend. Wait. That's probably not my best thing to look forward to. OK. I'll last until at least October 8. Look for October 8. Wish for October 8. Yes. I'll focus on October 8.

Bad when you live for long weekends, huh?

GREAT stuff

So far, I'm dealing with Brett's high school senior status much better than I dealt with Bart's. Brett's already showing signs of independence and seeing those signs makes the transition much easier, I suppose. Doing something that you don't want to do--like push the baby bird out of the nest--is much harder, and I've felt that we've been doing that for the past year with Bart. I hate that feeling, but it has to be done. We're not abandoning him to the outside world, of course; we're just trying to get him to make it on his own.

Anyway, that's not really what this blog is about.

I may be "dealing with" Brett's senior year, but that doesn't mean I'm emotionally detached. We got his proofs Friday. It is so stupid how seeing wonderful pictures of your beautiful baby (you're now sworn to secrecy if you read this) can make you blubber like you're watching a Hallmark commercial or you're reading a Hallmark card. (Shut up.) I fought it before and I didn't expect to fight it again, but I did. They are SO wonderful! And we have to pick 4. They take like 40+ wonderful pictures and we have to choose 4. We've eliminated a few--like the "grab-your-ear" picture (what do photographers take before they start their days?) and the puppy-dog-eyes picture (even though I LOVE it). The elimination round took us down to about 35. Oh, goody.

Too many parentheses.

Off to church (hope it's better this week) and then to Aunt Patty's.

8-0

No, that's not a score. That's a shocked smiley.

After waiting 2 weeks longer than we expected, Sandy-the-Social-Worker FINALLY sent our paperwork to USCIS (in short, Immigration) Thursday AM. This is OUR last step. Now the paperwork just has a few more to go.

Anyway, I expected to hear from USCIS in a couple weeks or so, at best. YESTERDAY MORNING Brennan went to the mailbox and brought back two letters--one for me and one for his dad--from INS. He just had nothing for Bart, a problem that we hope will go away tomorrow. Anyway, I spent at least 2 hours wanting to find a corner somewhere out of the way where I could just sit down and bawl, and I'm not sure why except that I was going through a gamet of emotions that would reduce Gov. Ah-nold to tears.

I called our friend who did a recommendation for us and was so matter-of-fact sounding that she said, "Gee, Carolyn, I'm glad to hear you're so excited." I replied, "I'm still trying to process this." She put it better than anyone could when she said, "I know. It's like when you try and try to get pregnant and when you finally do, you're almost like, 'Uhh, I don't think I want to do this anymore.'" She had hit the nail on the head. I'd felt exactly the same way three other times in my life; I'd just forgotten. (Hmmm. Might have been 4. I think I had some of the same stuff going on the last week before my wedding!) =)

I contacted Sandy as soon as I could type again and this was her response: "I am Shocked! Your appointment is the most expedient I've ever heard!" She's working on finding out why Bart hasn't received a mailing and she's trying to figure out why Brian and I got separate letters--investigations that I hope will prove out in our favor somehow--but she can't believe this any more than I can and she's been doing it for I forget how many years. (We're writing the book on oddities. I don't remember if I blogged our other two-day paperwork. She'd never seen that, either.) All I could say was that tons of people are praying this through. She e-mailed back, "Can't hurt! =)"

Once we're fingerprinted, it's 30-60 days before we receive our I-171H--I hope that's all, anyway. (Poor Bostonians are waiting about 4 months right now while I'm despairing that a NKyian told me yesterday that they've waited 6 weeks with no approval yet.) Once that is in, we'll know our paperwork is headed to China. Then it's another 6 weeks before we know the actual day that the paperwork went to China and that their government accepted it. Then we start counting to 5 or 6--months.

And sometime within the next 2 months we'll send $3465 MORE to government officials (this time in China) and to our adoption agency. (The officials get less than the agency does!)

Thus far we've spent:

$400--Apps to 2 agencies
$610--USCIS for fingerprinting--what we're doing this week
$1798--Social worker

Total: $2808. About $14,000 to go, at least.

Now I really understand the 8-0!

=D

"No real news"

I don't think Rich's blog will be about dullness today.

He always sends a little joy to lift you out of your doldrums

Been a rough weekend. Adoption papers that we thought had been sent out two weeks ago STILL aren't out and I have a really bad feeling about the whole thing. Went to church ONLY yesterday (I've never done SS well so I've pretty much given up on it) only to leave within about a half an hour because 1) my sister-in-law asked me about the paperwork, and 2) most Christian churches I know don't know the meaning of the word SILENCE and that is exactly what I needed. "Overwhelmed" is inadequate to describe how I feel with all that stuff going on around me for an hour or more, and as comical as it sounds, I had just about decided I could handle it when we went in to Communion and the pianist hit as sour a note as anyone could--not that I don't do it too--but it just blew everything. I decided then and there that I HAD to get out. So I did--quickly. And then there's the youth group fiasco that I'll probably share later...

Anyway, this morning I read my two regular blogs and one of them had news that lifted me out of the "depths of despair." Ben has some wonderful news to share. He and Ruthie have left a weird hole in our lives since they left the county--could it be?--around five years ago. "Weird" means that we hear from them sometimes and we see them a little, but it is one of those rare relationships where you almost couldn't see them enough if you saw them 24/7. And we see them maybe once a year...and we're overdue now.

Tee-hee. I made a funny. Probably a bad choice of words there...Hint, hint.