Worth a post all its own

"I thought: Fair is whatever God wants to do." --Peace Like a River by Leif Enger

I've come to learn this

Relatives can stab you in the back, the gut, and other places more than friends will ever try.

The carrot

One of my dad's favorite stories about me took place when I was about seven. We were hunting a new car and Mom and he had narrowed their choices down to two--a white, used car and a shiny, brown new car. As we drove home, he and Mom were discussing which they should get when he remembers he turned to me and said, "Which car do you want, Carolyn?" That's when I burst into tears. "I don't know which one I want!"

He laughs about it now, but he doesn't realize the rest of the story: I remember that day and I remember exactly why I burst into tears. My problem wasn't childish indecision. I knew which car I wanted; I also knew, even at seven years, that my answer wouldn't matter at all. They would get the car they wanted, regardless of what I said.

I don't remember having the decision carrot dangled in front of my face before, only to have it snatched away, but I know that it had to have happened. Why else would I feel the frustration of knowing that my say didn't matter--that their asking was just another form of "fun" to them, a chance to tell my grandparents later how silly I was to want the shiny brown car instead of the obviously better white, used car? I was supposed to know these things, after all--even in my seven years. Why did I try to make decisions in the first place? After all, they seemed to think, they weren't my decisions to make.

That incident took place roughly thirty-five years ago. Now I am an adult, as is my brother. And the only things that have changed are the fact that I have a brother with whom I can commiserate and that now I'm not even asked about important decisions--even in ridicule.

And that's all I have to say about that.

New Year's resolutions

Dumped post one of the day, which made me consider what I need to do this year. Here goes, off the cuff, in no particular order:

1. Stop whining, stop whining, stop whining.
2. Read the chronological Bible all the way through to the maps. I always read piece-meal. It's tough to know what was really going on in the OT when you do that.
3. Make it to the art museum at least once on my own. I always go with the kids I have to chaperone and I can't see squat.
4. Write every day.
5. Read something good every day.
6. Finish the clean sweep we've started today and keep it "swept."
7. Pay off more debt. Debt is the bane of existence.
8. Spend more time doing things I enjoy. (Harkens back to 2-5.)
9. Make a bunch of Christmas presents (and other presents) this year. (Harkens back to #8, with embellishments.)
10. Consider, at least, what to do about this job I'm disliking more and more and more. (Could harken back to #7??)

That's it for now. Keep me straight, would you?