I don't know when I've felt like this

I can't describe it. I don't want to talk about it. I will say that, in the ten years I've taught, I have NEVER felt like I do right now. I've been discouraged about my job, but I've never felt like a rat in a corner. I do right now. I've never come home from school in tears as far as I can remember until last night. I can handle a lot of stuff, but I can't handle--I can't BELIEVE what went on yesterday afternoon. I was hurt, humiliated, confused, afraid...

And how was I supposed to feel? My insurance contribution is supposed to go up somewhere in the neighborhood of 65%. I can't just sit there and take it, but I have never felt right about walk-outs or strikes. And then I'm asked--on the spot--"what will you do Monday?"????

And I see divisions beginning amongst the staff, even in unity. Everyone was respectful yesterday, but it's not going to be long before it gets ugly, I'm afraid, in some circles.

We have no discipline in the school, we have no respect from the community, and now we are losing respect amongst the working masses--all because we have no leadership...no one to "rally around"...no glue to hold us together.

I've gotta go or I'm going to be late for school.

Soggy Friday

Woke to the sound of rain. I love it. Makes me want to stay in bed and run outside and stand all at the same time. Guess I could have someone push my bed outside...

Still catching flack from BJ over the Butt announcement. That was just fantastic. Fantastic!

Noticing the sky mostly and leaves somewhat. Looks so fall-ish. All summer I think spring is my favorite and then fall comes and I know which season is then. I feel so whole during autumn. Sounds weird, I guess, but that's the only way I can describe it.

Faculty picnic is tonight and a wedding is tomorrow and Sunday I play for worship. This weekend is the only thing getting me down. As usual, everything happens at once.

Why, oh WHY couldn't it have been kittens?

Brett's CDs were stolen from his car last night--all 40-50 of them.

Homeowner's insurance beware.

I SWEAR it's a book title!

At school, we put announcements for the PA on the system, right next to the intercom. It isn't my fault that the secretary doesn't pre-read them.

And I have one book that a student ordered, but she hasn't picked up said book. I can't remember what student hasn't picked up the book, so what better way to find that one student than to broadcast the need to meet up with said student?

And usually no one listens to the announcements.

So I take this announcement and put it on the PA this afternoon, just like I'm supposed to. And Billie Jo read the announcements, just like she's supposed to.

Well, almost like she's supposed to.

She read, "Will the student who bought the book, The Earth (pause), My Butt (snicker, ahem, outright laugh, silence while she cut the PA), and Other Big (laugh, giggle) Round (giggle) Things (cut PA again, return with nearly uncontrollable laughter) please see Mrs. Reid in the library."

Billie Jo doesn't lose her composure often on the intercom, but she had really lost it this time. She had to cut the intercom a couple more times before she could continue the announcements, and even then it was a chore.

I got on the e-mail. "I'm dead, aren't I?"

In a moment I had a secretary coming across the hall right at me. (My position in the building is NOT good for these situations. I'm too close to the office.)

"Carolyn Reid!"

I scrambled for the book.

"It's real! See! It's real!" I shoved it in her face.

"I thought they'd done it to me again! I thought it was a joke until I realized it was your handwriting! And the whole office was laughing so hard I couldn't keep from laughing! And I'm reading, The Earth (she gives a puzzled look), My Butt, and Other Big Round Things..." (Billie Jo has made several comments about her butt over the years, as well.)

She finally went back to the office to lick her wounds, but it wasn't long until a substitute came in, laughing, and said, "Mrs. Reid, you couldn't have done better if you had made it up! She finished that announcement and one of the kids said to me, 'What did Mrs. Chaplin say about her butt?'"

Catching up

I notice it's been a while. I've not taken time to do this, so now I have several things to mention.

First, the I-171-H is off and running. CAWLI received it Friday along with our $$. In a couple weeks or so we'll be able to start counting. Sounds like Feb/March (probably March) referral. That means late April/early May travel, probably.

And if things go as they sound as though they will, we'll be in school until late May, at least. The governor is messing with our insurance benefits. It's not NICE to fool with educator's benefits. It's not nice to fool with educators, period. They get nasty. The governor gets bad backlash. Stupid, stupid, stupid. Teachers strike, regardless of the legality. It hasn't happened since 1970 but it's about to happen again. I'm not one who says, "Strike." I hate it. I voted against it. But I've been so daggone verbal (read "whiney") about it that I'n wondering if I voted the right way.

But on to more pleasant things.

Went scrapbooking with Karen yesterday and met some more Chinese moms. The one whose house we invaded is the one who is going with us. She is doing her second. Her first adopted daughter is beautiful, as was the other little girl. (Do Chinese people make ugly kids? Karen says yes, but I doubt it. She says it's rare.) Pam actually saw the site where they found her daughter (not THAT unusual) and the person who found her (VERY unusual). A vendor--like a hot dog stand fellow--was working his beat when they arrived. After a few questions she didn't understand, the guide told her that he was the one. He pointed to the exact location where he found her. What a connection!

Had a dream several nights ago where I saw a face...